


Restless

by Milli



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:06:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24261796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milli/pseuds/Milli
Summary: Poe can't sleep even though he is exhausted. Finn helps.AKA I am operating on severe sleep dep right now and this fell out of my brain. So I thought I would share it.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 2
Kudos: 82





	Restless

Poe was having a bad day. If he were to be truly honest today was only the latest in a run of such days. This latest mission should have been easy enough. Ordinarily Black Squadron wouldn't have been called on to take on a simple cargo run but whilst they were down both pilots and star fighters everyone was taking on extra work. It wasn't even that anything had gone drastically wrong. They'd run afoul of a First Order patrol on their way back to Ajan Kloss but only a small one. Evasive maneuvers followed by a thankfully brief fire fight and the problem was solved. 

No the issue was Poe was tired. Slower than he should have been. Luck had played as much of a part as skill today and that wasn't good enough. He knew his squadron could see it too. He'd been short with everyone. Griping at Snap, snapping at Jess. Worse, instead of giving back just as good as he gave them he caught them exchanging concerned looks. 

He knew why. Ever since Jakku and the Finalizer he had been struggling to sleep. Since Crait and his ill conceived mutiny things had gotten worse. Guilt. Shame. Frustrated anger at the difficulty they were having recruiting or securing allies. The nightmares were coming every time he so much as dozed now. If it wasn't Ren in his head it was the faces of those they had lost. Those he had gotten killed. 

If it had been anyone else, anyone under his command - and he was both grateful and confused that Leia had reinstated him as commander - he would have sent them to speak to someone long before now. Grounded them even. But these were desperate times. The Resistance needed him out in the field. Which was why he was over using stims.

Ordinarily he was careful with such things. The results of prolonged usage weren't pretty and he knew that. Nor was he stupid. This was his last mission until he got some rest. Awful as making that decision felt he knew Leia wouldn't fight him on it. Jess and the others weren't the only ones he had caught throwing worried looks his way. Decision made, reluctant though it was, Poe steeled himself. They were still a few hours from base and exhausted as he was if they ran into more trouble he wasn't in a fit state to handle it. Shaking fingers reached for his stim pack. 

He almost sobbed at the thought. He was just so tired and these would keep him awake well into the night. There just wasn't another option. Not if he wanted to get back safely. Even with the assistance he struggled. By the time they arrived back at base he was twitchy as all hell. Jumping at shadows. Worrying his droid enough that BB had conspired with Snap to make sure there was a welcoming committee waiting upon their return. 

Namely Kalonia and Finn. 

Normally he would have been livid. Today he almost fell climbing out of the cockpit so even he had to concede his friends were right. He let the good doctor give him a once over, refusing the offer of sleeping aids on the understanding that if he didn't sleep within the next six hours she'd have him grounded and secured in what passed for medical currently, the choice taken out of his hands. 

BB's whirs and beeps were concerned enough even Finn understood what they were trying to communicate. 

"Don't worry Bee, between us we'll get him sleeping. Knock him out if we have to."

Poe should have been embarrassed that he needed Finn's help getting to their tent. Whenever he could next think straight he would be. At present he was the kind of tired which meant nothing felt solid or real, including the ground. Which made walking interesting. His vision kept going fuzzy and despite the fact everything had worked out OK and they'd all made it back safely he inexplicably wanted to cry. So he let himself lean into Finn as his friend kept him upright, guiding him in the right direction.

The tent they were sharing was one of many, pitched well but in a hurry and only meant to be temporary. They were always ready to pack up and leave at short notice, everyone determined to avoid a repeat of their disastrous evacuation from D'qar. Which was why all the tent contained was two cots made up with warm if slightly rough blankets, a small foldable table and packs ready to grab and go. Still Poe somehow managed to stumble, tripping over a boot lying out of place. One of his own. Finn was far tidier than him, probably a result of his First Order upbringing. Somehow he doubted there was much tolerance of mess in the life of a stormtrooper. 

Finn tightened his hold on him, steadying him and turning him slightly, steering him towards one of the cots. 

"Get changed. Maybe take a minute to freshen up? You'll feel better for it."

He nodded, not quite trusting himself to speak. The sobs it felt like he'd been holding back for days threatening to break free if he so much as opened his mouth. Shaking hands pawed at his flight suit, fumbling a time or two before he managed to get it undone despite the fact he was well practiced at removing it. Sitting on the edge of the cot he took his time taking off his boots fighting nausea and dizziness the entire time. He grimaced at the ripe scent now escaping from his open suit. Finn was right - he really needed to clean up. He felt grimy, skin itching with old sweat. 

Once he was free of his boots he just sat for a moment. He should stand again, climb out of his filthy clothing. Make use of the hot water Finn had magicked up for somewhere, steaming in a bowl on the table. Following his gaze and apparently guessing his thoughts Finn grinned. 

"I figured you weren't going to be in a fit state for walking over to the 'freshers. Got this set up when we had confirmation you were coming in to land."

"Thanks buddy. I appreciate it. Really."

He did appreciate it and he wanted to make use of it - sure it wasn't as good as a shower but it was significantly better than crashing out in his current state. He just couldn't quite coax his aching body into doing the work of lifting him up again. In the end it was Finn who dragged him onto his feet, tugging the suit off his shoulders and wrinkling his nose just a little. 

"Come on. Get cleaned up. I'll set you out something to sleep in."

Despite the warm water and the fact that Ajan Kloss never really got cold Poe found himself shivering as he washed his face just enough to wake him up a bit. He felt actually chilled as he dragged off the sweat stained white tank top he had been wearing. Washing quickly he was pretty sure he didn't get more than the surface layer of dirt off his skin. It still felt good though. Soothing. If only he could wash his hair everything would feel significantly better. That would have to wait until morning. He didn't have the energy for it tonight. 

Finn was as good as his word, by the time Poe was done and cautiously edging back towards his cot a pair of soft lightweight pants and an oversized t-shirt waited on his pillow. It was hardly the first time he'd gotten changed around Finn and the former trooper never seemed bothered by casual displays of nudity. Still, Poe was usually careful not to flash too much flesh at his friend. Wouldn't want him to get the wrong - actually right - impression. Now he was past caring. He just wanted to be comfortable and preferably lying down. Hopefully the world would stop spinning then. 

It didn't and a whimper must have escaped him because Finn was suddenly there. 

"You OK? Need me to get the doc?"

"M fine. Just tired."

"So sleep. I'll leave you to it. Bee will get me if you need anything, right?"

The little droid beeped in confirmation. 

"No. Stay? Please?"

"Poe... I know you. You won't sleep if I'm here. You'll want to talk and then you'll get excited about something and distract yourself."

"I won't! I'll rest. I just, I'm still too wired to sleep."

"Hmm."

Finn didn't sound convinced. He did stay though, grabbing the pillow off his own bed and sitting in a comfortable sprawl by Poe's. 

"Is Rey back yet? I don't think I saw the Falcon..."

"Been and gone again. They should only be gone a couple of days this time though. And no shop talk. You. Need. To. Rest."

"I know, I know. Just we need to figure out the next..."

"Poe! Stop it. This is not you winding down this is you going into planning mode. Which you promised not to do."

"Fine."

"Fine."

He shifted restlessly. The dizziness had receded, though it wasn't gone entirely. Unfortunately his head was now pounding. It felt tight, like it was being crushed in a vice and he could feel his heart beat thrumming everywhere. Closing his eyes in hopes it would help him settle, or at least unruffle Finn's feathers, he flickered them open again with a gasp. 

"Poe?"

"Sorry."

"What's wrong?"

"Too many stims. Got me all edgy."

Finn's hand found his arm, squeezing gently. 

"I'm here. You're safe. Just close your eyes."

"Can you tell me something?"

"Sure. What kind of a something?"

"Top five most beautiful places you've been or imagined."

This was a thing they did now. When one of them couldn't sleep or they woke each other up with nightmares. The latter mostly Poe, to his shame. It was a nice distraction, just picking random topics and sharing their thoughts and daydreams. With the soothing tone of Finn's voice to listen to and the calming touch of his hand Poe finally managed to shut his eyes and keep them closed. 

Shadows still flickered before his eyes, sometimes lights too - not explosions against the dark of space no matter how much his brain insisted - but he kept his eyes shut regardless, trying to lose himself in Finn's rambling exploration of beauty. Normally this would be enough to lull him to sleep, even if he didn't stay that way. Unfortunately this time it just wasn't working and he couldn't hold back a groan of frustration. 

Every part of him hurt. When he gave up and opened his eyes again his vision swam which did nothing for the waves of nausea. He knew the arm he flung across his eyes was a touch dramatic but he couldn't help it. He needed to cover up the hot rush of tears that finally spilled out and trickled onto his cheeks. 

"Hey. What can I do?"

"Nothing. Sorry buddy. Believe me I wish there was something you could do. Just gotta ride this out until the last lot of stims wear off."

Even though the thought of being alone right now was enough to set his heart racing and his stomach roiling he took a deep breath and let Finn off the hook. Finn clearly knew him too well however. Much as Poe didn't really want an audience to his little melt down he wanted to be alone even less and somehow Finn sensed that. 

"OK. Come here."

Finn moved, shoving Poe over enough that he could just about stretch out beside him. Then he was pulling at Poe, repositioning him so he could wrap his arms around him. A more together Poe might have resisted. Lacking his usual co-ordination and too exhausted to recall why this might not be the best idea he let himself sink into the comforting warmth and solidity of Finn. 

Restless fingers played with the buttons on Finn's shirt as he tried and failed to stop the tears. 

"Why am I crying? I don't know why I..."

"Because you're a mess Poe Dameron. An over tired, stressed out mess."

A firm hand rubbed his shoulder, sliding firmly against it and then up and down his spine. Finally he started to relax, sighing at the contact. Tears still leaked from his eyes, leaving little wet patches on Finn's shirt where his head rested against his friend's chest. At least he wasn't full on sobbing any more. Maybe because he was nuzzling against Finn, rubbing his cheek against the warmth of him. Taking in the smell. Enjoying the feel of his strong hands easing his tired muscles. 

Of Kriff. He was rubbing his face into Finn's chest and making happy little noises and... And he was hardening in his pants, heat pooling in his groin. 

Even as out of it as he was that was too much. How was he going to explain this? He was only half hard at most - maybe Finn hadn't noticed?

"Poe, relax. Its OK."

"Buddy, I am so sorry."

"For what?"

"You should go. I... You don't have to put up with..."

"Hush. Look. I didn't want to have this conversation with you half asleep. It doesn't seem fair."

"Conversation?"

"Poe, you know you talk in your sleep sometimes?"

"I... I do?"

"you do. Mostly when you're having a bad dream."

Ah. The dreams they don't really talk about because Poe just can't. The guilt and the shame are both still too strong. He does let Finn distract him and hug him until he can fall back to sleep. None of which seems entirely relevant to their current situation. 

"Sometimes when you are having a really good dream."

Ah. Kriff.

"So. I know you like me. It doesn't bother me. I guess... I was waiting for you to bring it up. If you wanted to."

"Oh. I... I wasn't going to. I was kind of hoping not to have to..."

"Because you don't think I like you back?"

"Er. Yeah. That. And the whole Rey thing."

"How many times do I need to tell you. There is no 'Rey thing.' "

Finn's hand raised from his back to tug playfully at his hair.

"There could be an 'us' thing. Y'know. If you wanted."

"If I... What? You... Yes?"

"Wanna try that again?"

"Yes. Yes I want that."

"Good. So sleep. So we can have this conversation when you're actually awake."

A very big part of Poe wanted to argue. They should finish this conversation and start something else right now. After months of pining and convincing himself he was too old, too reckless, too fucked up to burden Finn with the last thing he wanted now he knew the attraction was mutual was to wait even one more second. Since even the most interested parts of him couldn't quite muster the necessary energy - and some part of him knew Finn was right, they should talk properly before getting into anything - he gave in with a frustrated whimper. Smiling softly to himself, Finn let his hands return to gently rubbing the tension out of Poe's shoulders and at last the pilot's eyes fluttered shut once more, his breathing evening out as he finally let himself drift off to sleep.


End file.
